Impostor Syndrome

It’s the beginning of 2021 and Melbourne is in a lull between two COVID lockdowns. I have been writing a blog for six years and decide I would like to improve my writing. I happen across a Reflective Writing Course on a local Facebook group. It is partly funded by a government grant and sounds fabulous. A group of hills mums, getting together to learn and write about their experiences during the first COVID lockdown. Our teacher would be Elissa, also a local mum, with a degree in creative writing, and many years of working in communications in Canberra. My first ever writing mentor.

I have no idea what to expect at the first session. Unsure of how much ‘experience’ in writing other people attending will have. Feeling like a fraud and a phoney, as we introduce ourselves, I see I’m not the only one who feels like an impostor.

Impostor Syndrome affects many people. Writers are not the only ones. However, as a writer, it can be hard to feel anything but an impostor. Many have no qualification, or an unrelated qualification. You may work on a book for years before you are published. Is not being published a disqualifying requisite? If you work alone, and don’t have a job title or you work on your manuscript or poetry at night and have a day job, are you less of a writer? Not as real writer?

Elissa, my mentor, told a story which changed my thinking on who was or wasn’t qualified to claim themselves as something, or other. I still reread this story, over and over. Referring back to it when I am questioning myself.

Neil Gaiman was invited to a gathering of great and good people. Artists, scientists, writers, inventors, and explorers. Individuals who had really done things. He felt they would realise at any moment he was not qualified to be there. He felt out-of-place.

A couple of nights in, he was watching a musical performance and struck up a conversation with an elderly gentleman, who shared his first name. The other Neil said something like,’ I look at all these people, and think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve all made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.’

Neil Gaiman responded, ‘Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.’

It took me two years after I finished the reflective writing course to call myself a writer. It still feels somewhat deceptive and aspirational. But, I keep saying it, in the hope it will be true. If Neil Armstrong feels like a fraud what chance do the rest of us have? I often ask people if they feel like an impostor in their field. Most say yes. Some indicate they manage colleagues who report to them, who have higher qualifications and less experience. Some can’t measure their expertise, as there is no-one to measure against. They are trailblazers, and may not have a title for what they do, as it hasn’t been done before.

I believe most of us are doing the best we can. Trying to convince ourselves of our skill or talent which is abundantly evident to everyone around us. Maybe everyone feels like an impostor. Do you?