Filling Your Cup

Writing is a solitary activity. Spending hours with your computer and your thoughts can be both joyous and lonely at the same time. I really enjoy sitting in my memories, untangling the meaning of my existence. However, there is an energy exchange which happens with people. This reciprocity is, for me, an essential element of life. Being an extrovert, I need this to continue to have the stamina to lock myself away.

Of course, my family provide me with daily nourishment, as far as interaction occurs. I am well loved and catered for with conversation, stimulation, and feeling appreciated. But, there is a certain transfer of energy that takes place when spending time with female friends. It is a deeply sustaining and supportive energy, if you are spending your time with the right women.

A couple of weekends ago, my school friends and I had a girl’s weekend. Six of us. Friends for between 35 and 45 years. We had so much fun, lots of laughing, lots of sharing. For three or four decades we have been there for each other through so many life events. From puberty, to marriage, having children, and more recently, enduring “the change of life.” Menopause was definitely a ‘hot’ topic of conversation. The emotional benefit of swapping stories and experiences, of laughing about the discomfort and the unexpected symptoms, was certainly the most beneficial medicine I have found for menopause. And, I have tried everything…well, not quite everything.

Somewhere between a raucous sing-along to Kids in the Kitchen and trying some kneeling exercises to relieve pain in our aging knees, Tash talked about what she gets out of spending time with our group. She talked about the easiness of our friendships, and our long shared history. She said she always walks away from time spent together feeling her cup has been filled.

This led me to thinking about how important these connections with women are for all of us. Too many friendships, school mums groups, for example, can become toxic. Whether because of competitiveness, kids’ relationship dramas, misperceptions, misunderstandings. Finding women who you can trust to lift you up, have your back, and who you would do the same for, is exceptionally lucky.

I have an army of such women. Some I see weekly, some less often, some only every few years. But, I appreciate them all. My adopted big sister, my cerebral forest walking companion, my voice of reason, my cousin’s wife, my late husband’s best friend, my beloved ex-colleagues, my kid’s ex-partner’s mum, my sake mentor, and my kids’ friends wonderful mummas. I am also blessed to have some very wonderful women in my family.

Of course, my school friends are also part of this corps. At the end of our weekend the usual exchange of photos, money, and messages took place. I asked the girls if they would be happy for me to write about our time and to share some photos. Everyone was supportive. Tash’s perfectly profound sentence to round out the weekend was, “cup well and truly overflowing, thank you ladies. Love ya guts.”